Rocky Roads
by sarahofearth
Summary: A look into Shawn's past and feelings after the fight with Danny in White Light. In response to Lucius24's request for the 4400Abductees Ficathon.


A/N: Okay, so here is my try at doing Lucius 24's request. I actually had fun writing this. Please review if you like!

"_Don't touch me! You're the only good thing that's happened to me since I've been back. But I can't stay here and you can't come where I'm going." _

"_Shawn..."_

"_I love you, Nikki." _

"_I love you. What are you doing? Shawn! No! Stay here and talk about this. Shawn! Shawn, what are you doing? Shawn!"_

Her last calling of his name rang in his ears as he quickly turned the corner and bolted out of his neighborhood. The whole incident with Danny was running through his head

_Shawn watched as his brother struggled beneath his touch, his sibling's life slowly receding from his face._

"_That's enough! Shawn, stop it! You're killing him!" Susan cried in a panic, pulling her eldest son off her youngest. She checked Danny over concernedly and stared up at Shawn. "What did you do?"_

"_I don't know. I didn't mean to do anything!" Shawn pleaded, staring worriedly at his shallow breathing brother. He tried to kneel closer. "Danny…"_

"_Get away from him!" His mother yelled frantically. Shawn gave his family one last hurt look before exiting the house._

_How could all of this have happened? Why was I sent back with such an ability?_ None of his questions seemed to connect with answers… except one. He couldn't go back there. Doing that to Danny, albeit unintended, was the last straw. He was a 4400 which easily made him one of the freakiest things out there, but a 4400 with a life-controlling ability? The very thought of him just walking around his house, his family's eyes constantly and fearfully trailing him was just too painful for the young man.

Shawn continued to walk the length of the sidewalk leading to the nearby Walgreen's. The walk reminded him of the walks him and his mom used to take to school when he was much younger.

"_Mommy, why do I have to go to school?" Shawn asked in his high, childish voice. The little boy was kicking a rock while walking alongside his mother who was pushing his younger brother Danny in the stroller._

_His mother looked down at him, a small smile on her face._

"_Because, Shawn, you get to learn all sorts of new things. You'll also make lots of new friends." His mother explained optimistically._

"_But-but," Shawn began. "I don't want new friends. I already have Danny." Shawn pointed out, putting his hand in the stroller where his baby brother was resting._

"_I know that and Danny knows that, but wouldn't you like friends your age?"_

"_No." Shawn replied simply. "Can we go home now?"_

"_I'm sorry, sweetie, but you have to go." His mom replied._

_After a little while of more walking, Shawn brought up the subject again._

"_What happens if nobody likes me?" Shawn asked, tugging at his striped blue shirt._

"_You don't have to worry about that, Shawn," His mother said, steering the stroller and her other son around the corner. "As long as you're nice and not mean, everybody will like you."_

Shawn frowned at the memory. He wished he could ask her how to get friends when you were a freak because "being nice" didn't look like it would cut it.

Shawn walked through the glass, sliding doors of the store and headed for the first aid aisle. He had been coming here for a long time so he found it easily. The cut on his eye was pestering him and he needed some cream to disinfect it.

He bought the necessary supplies and dropped them on the checkout counter. The young brunette woman at the check out gave him a flirtatious smile. Shawn just paid and ignored it. He was in no mood to start up new relationships, having just freshly ended one he thought would last. He grabbed his things and headed for the bathroom of the store.

After a few minutes, he had tended to his eye and placed the remaining materials in the trash. He stared at himself in the mirror. He looked pathetic but he felt worse. He was alone now. He had no things, barely any money, and nobody to turn to. Well, nobody he wanted to hurt anyway.

The hope of Kyle's house lay in his head, and, although Shawn knew it was out of the question, it would probably never leave. Kyle had provided Shawn a safe haven every time he got in a rut at home.

_The third pebble knocking against his glass window finally drew the ten year old out of bed. He went to his window and raised it to its highest point before it locked in to place. Kyle looked around in his backyard, searching for the rock thrower that he was sure was his cousin. A fourth rock hit him in the forehead. The young boy grasped at his head._

"_Ow," Kyle whisper-yelled. "What the heck, Shawn?"_

"_Sorry!" Shawn whisper-yelled in response. Kyle spotted him staring anxiously up at his window, the streetlight out front making him fairly visible. "Let down the ladder; I'm going to sleep over."_

"_Wait," Kyle began suspiciously. "Is this the 'I've already asked my mom' 'sleepover'?" Kyle asked, putting finger quotations up on the word "sleepover." "Or the 'I'm running away from home and never coming back' 'sleepover'?"_

_Shawn gave a guilty smile._

"_The second one…" Shawn admitted finally._

"_No way, Shawn, na-ah." Kyle whispered firmly. "My dad kicked my butt last time, you remember, because he kicked yours too!"_

"_I know, Kyle, I know. But this is urgent. It's not like the time when I got in trouble for breaking the TV or driving the car to my teacher's house, this is really different. I neeeed your help, Kyle."_

_Kyle sighed in defeat._

"_All right, but if my dad gets mad, I'm blaming it on you." Kyle bargained._

_Shawn nodded with a smile. Kyle let down the fire escape ladder his dad had installed a few years back when Kyle was going through his "pyromaniac phase."_

_Shawn climbed unsteadily up the ladder and threw the window with some help from his cousin. For the first time, Kyle noticed some Shawn's tear-stained face._

"_Hey, why are you crying?" Kyle asked bluntly._

_Shawn wiped at his eyes and frowned._

"_Because my life sucks." Shawn replied twice as blunt._

_Kyle sighed and offered Shawn a seat on his bed._

"_What happened this time?"_

"_It's my parents. They've been fighting all week; you heard them on Tuesday night when you stayed over for dinner. They just wouldn't stop. They don't stop for the postman or Danny; they don't even stop for those little, cookie-selling girls."_

_Kyle dropped his jaw._

"_I know. That's like not stopping you conversation to stare at robots, it's just not possible!" Shawn explained, raising his voice a little._

"_Shhhh!" Kyle chastised, putting a finger to his mouth. "My dad and mom are sleeping, remember?"_

"_Sorry," Shawn said, grimacing. "Anyways, I think my dad left, forever. He just said 'That's it, I'm leaving' and left." Shawn finished with a deep-voiced impression of his dad._

_Kyle stared at his cousin with wide eyes._

"_You don't have a dad anymore?" Kyle asked._

_Shawn eyes filled up with tears as he nodded. He covered his face with his dirty hands and started sobbing into them. Kyle laid a reassuring hand on his back, trying to calm him and quiet him. It was too late as Tom opened the door to the pitiable sight of the two boys on the bed._

Shawn reminisced sadly, a lone tear falling down his cheek. He quickly wiped away the drop. Crying never did anything, Shawn realized that a long time ago when his dad left. No matter how long he sulked in his bedroom, his father never returned. Shawn tried to replace Tom as his dad but that never turned out exactly as planned…

"_Uncle Tommy, do you want to play Nintendo with me?" Shawn asked his uncle brightly. He was staying at Kyle's house for a week as his mom was sorting out divorce papers and other stuff out of town with Danny._

_Taking his glasses off his face, Tom rubbed at his strained eyes and sighed._

"_Not right now, Shawn. I have a lot of work to do for my boss today." Tom sighed, upsetting the ten year old._

_Shawn looked at the man in anger._

"_You're supposed to be my new daddy. You have to play." Shawn said firmly._

_Tom looked at Shawn surprised and then sympathetically. He pulled Shawn closer and hugged him warmly. He pulled him apart and looked straight in his eyes._

"_Shawn, I know you miss your daddy and I know you want me to be your new one, and I can, but today I have these documents to fill out. They're really important, so why don't you go outside and play with Kyle."_

"_No, I want you to play with me."_

"_Shawn, I have work-"_

_The boy suddenly spit on the papers._

_After a heated lecture on what he did wrong, Shawn found himself firmly placed on the couch in the living room, pouting._

"_Don't move until I say you can." Shawn mocked his uncle's words childishly. He crossed his arms and looked down at his shoelaces._

_Kyle came down the stairs, looking at Shawn on the couch. He arrived at the landing and sat by his cousin on the brown leather cushion._

"_Why are you just sitting here?" Kyle asked curiously._

_Shawn was a little ashamed of what he did; he didn't want to tell his best friend that he was in trouble because his uncle didn't want to be his dad. He decided to lie instead._

"_I'm just waiting for Uncle Tommy." Shawn lied through his teeth. "After he finishes up his work we're going to play catch outside. He's my new dad."_

_Kyle's jaw dropped._

"_What!"_

_Shawn nodded proudly._

"_But he's my dad!" Kyle whined. " I won't let you just take him from me, because you don't have one!"_

"_I'll take him if I want to!" Shawn yelled back._

"_No, you won't!" Kyle yelled._

"_Yes, I will!"_

"_No!"_

"_Yes!"_

"_No!"_

"_Yes!"_

_Kyle tackled Shawn to the ground and started punching him on the chest. Shawn rolled the fight over and started pulling at Kyle's hair and hitting his head on the carpet._

_Tom rushed in from his office and started fuming at the sight of the battling boys before him. He broke them apart, yelled at them for thirty minutes, and had them stand in separate corners for the rest of the day._

Shawn walked out of the bathroom and into the night air once again. It was cold right now and Shawn had barely any money to get him a motel room. _This sucks. _He roamed the streets of Seattle, feeling completely alone. Where could he go where he could feel accepted? Where could he go where he couldn't hurt anyone? Shawn contemplated breaking a law to get put in prison but that was definitely the last resort for the young man.

Oddly enough, Shawn found his feet had led him to come in crossing the 4400 Center. He stopped in his tracks and stared at the building. Could he belong in a place like this? He licked his lips and stared at the center longer, trying to muster up the courage to go in. _Shawn, you have no other place. _He told himself sadly. He took a deep breath and walked towards the door.

He walked in and was surprised to see a woman in a blue shirt still sitting at the reception area at this time of night.

She stood up and greeter him. Her name was Devon; she had probing blue eyes and long brunette hair that was tied back in a tight ponytail.

"Um, hi," Shawn said. "I'm Shawn. I'm one of the 4400. I was wondering if I could speak to Mr. Collier?" Shawn asked. His voice echoed slightly in the empty front hall.

Devon smiled.

"Can I ask why?" Devon said in a tone that told Shawn that if he didn't have a good enough answer to this question, he wasn't going to see Collier.

Shawn thought hard before speaking.

"I have this ability but it hasn't been going to great. I was wondering if Mr. Collier could possibly help me out…"

Devon nodded, a bit surprised. This young man was fascinating her.

"Right this way," She said simply, leading Shawn up stairs, down a hall, and through a heavy wooden door.

"If you can just wait here, Mr. Collier will see you in a moment." She said, smiling a little. She went though yet another door, leading to a nice office as far as Shawn could see. The door shut with a quiet snap behind her, leaving Shawn alone.

Shawn sat in one of the cushioned waiting chairs, rubbing his hands on his jeans. Shawn's heart was thumping hard beneath his rib. What happens if they just kicked him out? Where would he go then? Doubtful thoughts like those swirled in his head, making his heart thump faster. He was recalled back to reality when the door opened once again. Devon walked out and held the door open for Shawn.

"Go right in." She instructed lightly. Shawn nodded to her as he passed and walked into the well-decorated room. He spotted Jordan sitting in a chair behind a desk with many papers and a laptop sitting on it. Collier smiled at him and greeter him warmly, offering him a seat in front of his table.

"Thanks." Shawn said, sitting down.

Jordan made things easier for Shawn and asked the first question.

"So, Shawn, what's been the problem?" He asked quietly and slowly.

A flood of thoughts and memories went through Shawn's head at the question. A lot of things were his problem. But the biggest pain seemed to be that he didn't belong anymore. He didn't know where to start with the man. He decided giving a vague description of what was going on would have to suffice for now.

"I tried really hard and... no matter what I've done, which way I've turned, it just... It sucks." Shawn said, with a sad shake of his head. He looked up at the man. "I need to clear my head and get away for a while. I guess what I'm asking is if I could stay here for a while."

There was a small silence.

"Shawn, you're one of the 4400. As far as I'm concerned, you can stay here as long as you want." Jordan replied

"That's great, man. Thanks. Thank you." Shawn said truly grateful.

"So, erm...tell me a little bit more about this ability of yours."

A/N: Yep, that's it. I felt I left it a bit hanging, but then I realized, I didn't leave it hanging, the writers did! I don't want to add onto their work because it feels a bit illegal, lol. I hope you enjoyed either way! Please Review!


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